I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The air was thick with penises
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
