I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I currently don't understand fingers.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
