bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
