if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
