so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
