YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
