why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
