Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
