plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
