how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
