i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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