Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Randomize
