Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
