Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
