The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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