Just cropdusted the office
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
