and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
