worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
