so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
