since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
