i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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