no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
