why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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