did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
