so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
