he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
