im drinking this country out of the recession.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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