erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
