yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
