I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
