So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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