sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Last time i carry you out of a forest
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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