i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
