you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
