i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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