Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
