If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
