plz talk dirty to me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This baby is an asshole
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
