Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
