your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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