Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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