you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
