Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
