i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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