What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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