i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
