New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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