im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
