If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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