I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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