I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
