I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
