the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All the doctor said was why
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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