please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
