Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
