I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
