The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
